If you've been reading this blog, then you know that I have been spending hours laboring over the thought of retirement. This wraps it all up!
I just want to know...did I do the right things with my life?
Right now, I think the answer is "No"! or "Yes"! I don't really know!
I'm not sure that I laughed enough or danced enough. I laughed and danced with children at work but I have spent little time actually enjoying the laughter and friendship of adults who are not related to work.
I have loved but I don't know if it has been deep enough! As a Teacher and as a Principal, I can actully say that I loved each and every one of the kids! I loved their honesty, their enthusiasm, their creativity. I loved their hugs, their smiles, their toothless grins, their birthday treats and valentines. I can also say that I love and have loved my own kids without reservation. They are my center, my life! I loved their dad but not enough. I didn't realize the depth of his dispair. I became selfish at that point in my life and wanted to separate myself from his needs. I will always regret the fact that I didn't pay more attention to what was going on in his life right then. I know that leaving him allowed me to move forward but it came at a great cost! And the there is Jim. I love him differently! I love him as a partner and friend. I know that he has needs and I hesitate now to separate myself from those needs in a self centered way. I have to be able to show at least one partner that I can be there for better or worse!
I have never truly relaxed! Even now, on a Sunday, I check work emails! I did reach for the sky and I found that sky with my job. I have deep and profound satisfaction with my career!
But now it's time to reach for that sky for me. Perhaps I will be able to spend more time listening to the birds or going for a walk in the middle of the day. How about running into Milwaukee to be with Katie just for the heck of it or flying to Columbus to spend time with Erin?
And then there is going to Florida or any place warm for the winter with Jim. We are both so tired of dealing with the winter cold and snow! The thought of not seeing a fleck all winter is something both of us would like to experience.
Is it time to move on? Is it time to let the life of work be someone else's paycheck? Am I ready to pass the baton?