Saturday, April 21, 2012

Here You Come Again!

Over the past several months, I have had the opportunity to live alone!  At some moments, it was sad and lonely but those were just moments.  The rest of the time was spent "finding myself"!  Now if that isn't a 70's Hippie thing to finally do in 2012!

Out of the rubble in my brain came a 60 page document that I entitled "Here You Come Again"!  It highlights lessons that I have learned from people who have been in my life but have now passed on to another  world.  I added links to different songs and videos that reminded me of that person or a particular lesson and all in all I feel that the document is a personal masterpiece!  Emphasis on personal.  I will never be the kind of person who boasts about myself but this document has maybe helped me to clarify what I think and why I think the way I do.  It has been a revelation in how to accept people for who they are and not pile blame on them for who you are!

Here You Come Again is the title because of the voices in my head that just keep playing over and over again during my life journey.  Those voices can very clearly be sorted by person who has passed.  Do you suppose that our loved ones continue to surround us daily, doing the best they can to whisper suggestions into our ears?  Maybe!

At any rate, I would like to see if I can copy and paste this document into a blog so that the links can be followed.

Here You Come Again

I have it linked here right now through iWork.  This may or may not last over time.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother

Somehow I had started this and never sent it. Now I open up Blogsy and here he is. I will see him this weekend. He has been moved to a rehab center. Don't know if he will be better or not. I have been so wrapped up in my own drama that I can't remember to call him.

You know, I love him even though I can't take on his care. I wish he had made better choices in his life but who am I to talk.

This is a Test!

I am being tested right now.  Over the past months, I have had the opportunity to reflect like never before on me, on my family, on the lessons learned over a lifetime, and on the feeling about the rest of my life and how I see it playing out.
What I have come to realize about myself:
  • I might be selfish but never want or expect anything for myself,
  • I might be stubborn but always feel as though I am doing what others want to do,
  • I think I am smart but I do so many dumb things!
  • I come across as a confident person but I am generally more like a scared puppy inside.
Because of these contradictions, I have struggled to really understand me and that has become my greatest frustration.  So, this winter I went on a search for that person by really studying the people I feel have had the greatest impact on making me me!
After completing that awesome assignment and reading the results over and over again, I see a person who maybe at one time was afraid but pushed herself anyway; maybe lacked confidence but never gave up; continued to find joy in learning new things; and although I really never ask for anything, I do expect a lot.
So... I am confident.  I am smart.  I am stubborn.  And I am selfish!
And, I know these two things for sure - 1) life is short (I have proof) and 2) life is about choices!
So here is the testWhat does a confident, smart, stubborn, selfish person do when they find out that they are unhappy in a marriage?  
They leave it!  They leave it with no regrets even if it will cost them monetarily.  They leave it even though it will be initially painful.  They leave because they know that they have been through this before and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel!  They leave it because this confident, smart, stubborn, selfish person is also a positive person who always, always sees the rainbow!
Please God, let me see the rainbow!