Thursday, April 19, 2012

This is a Test!


I am being tested right now.  Over the past months, I have had the opportunity to reflect like never before on me, on my family, on the lessons learned over a lifetime, and on the feeling about the rest of my life and how I see it playing out.
What I have come to realize about myself:
  • I might be selfish but never want or expect anything for myself,
  • I might be stubborn but always feel as though I am doing what others want to do,
  • I think I am smart but I do so many dumb things!
  • I come across as a confident person but I am generally more like a scared puppy inside.
Because of these contradictions, I have struggled to really understand me and that has become my greatest frustration.  So, this winter I went on a search for that person by really studying the people I feel have had the greatest impact on making me me!
After completing that awesome assignment and reading the results over and over again, I see a person who maybe at one time was afraid but pushed herself anyway; maybe lacked confidence but never gave up; continued to find joy in learning new things; and although I really never ask for anything, I do expect a lot.
So... I am confident.  I am smart.  I am stubborn.  And I am selfish!
And, I know these two things for sure - 1) life is short (I have proof) and 2) life is about choices!
So here is the testWhat does a confident, smart, stubborn, selfish person do when they find out that they are unhappy in a marriage?  
They leave it!  They leave it with no regrets even if it will cost them monetarily.  They leave it even though it will be initially painful.  They leave because they know that they have been through this before and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel!  They leave it because this confident, smart, stubborn, selfish person is also a positive person who always, always sees the rainbow!
Please God, let me see the rainbow!

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