Life's Journeys - Part 1

How is it that we become the person that we are? What makes up the "being" part of human?

I spend more time these days reflecting on life in general but more and more about the path that I have taken in this journey. Every once in awhile, there will be something that triggers a thought and it's amazing how that thought, which could be a memory from 40 or 50 years ago, still leaves you with feeling of joy, saddness, or anger even today.

This week, I had a thought about the stress that I caused my mother and ultimately the stress that she caused me! I have told my kids about how stories about me as a baby were not really flattering. I screamed and cried, turned blue and even passed out when I didn't get my way! So, who couldn't love that?

As I grew older, I had a fear of my mom that I couldn't really explain but found out from my brothers that she used to get very angry with me and her anger always included physical punishment. I know of times, when I was older, how she would use whatever was handy to strike out at one of us - fly swatters, yard sticks, boards - she was often angry!

When I went to college, something she thought silly for a woman to do, I came home every weekend out of duty until I got up the nerve to stay at school one weekend. I had so much work to do, I told my mom. I needed the weekend to just get caught up! It was the beginning of my real independence! That one weekend was a symbol of me taking charge of myself! Over the first months in college, I struggled with feeling incompetent. I failed a math class because I didn't know how to drop it! I got C's in everything else because I had signed up for 18 credits! Who does that their first semester? But I didn't quit - partially because I didn't want to move home to my mother!

I stayed on for another semester and effectively turned it around! I again took charge of my life. Afterall, that's what it's really about isn't it? It's not about blaming other's for your fate or expecting others to make you happy. It's about making it your journey!

To be continued...